For months I thought I was ranting into an abyss, howling into empty space at the world's petty injustices like a two year old bawling their lungs out on the naughty step.
But it seems I have an audience.
The other day a colleague said to me in conversation that he liked my blog.
After the first flush of gratification came a vague sense of dread. My online persona was leaking into my 'real world' activities. This would be fine if my online persona weren't such a self righteous, vitriolic, cantankerous old twatbag spouting off semi considered rantings about matters he only superficially understands. The howling defamation I reel off without a second thought when blogging might be elevated from 'a bit of harmless fun' to 'potential trouble' if linked to my personal or professional life.
My spider sense really started tingling when said colleague informed me that he was directed to my blog by a girl I teach in year ten (you know who you are, traitor!) who sent him a link.
Now this presents me with a dilemma.
Do I abandon blogging altogether so as not to risk the potential repercussions of cranking out murderous bilge over the internet? This certainly seems like the most sensible thing to do, although the (rather massive) part of me that's riddled with inferiority complexes and insecurities would miss the warm, glowy feeling that comes with knowing your work is being read and (seemingly) enjoyed.
Do I carry on and sanitise my blog, taking the time to have a really good think about what I write and who it might offend before I assault the keyboard? There's a modicum of sense in this too, but inevitably my writing would be at best tepid and at worst painful to read if it were robbed of the venom that makes it what it is. I'm not sure I'd want to be castrated by the burden of being considerate.
I suppose I could have the best of both worlds by abandoning this blog and starting a new one under a different name, one not to easily accessible to my students, but the logistical cock ache of all that is one I can do without. Not to mention the fact that I could well be robbing myself of what may be my only readership.
Whatever I do (which will more than likely be absolutely nothing), the caveat here is that I now know I have an audience and that audience represents a potential clash between my online and professional personas.
The abyss gazes also!
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4 comments:
There is no abyss. There is only the internet.
This issue bit me on the arse about four years ago, when I realised that part of the 'honour' of having a day job went hand in hand with not pissing it off on a blog. Since the, I've chosen my topics more carefully...
But, that's not always bad. Sometimes. thinking ahead of rambling is a good thing ;-)
emm, need to start writing outside of the worklife/personal box or else you will get in trouble methinks. Coat everything in Sci Fi.
I would HATE it if you started censoring your writings. They always make me laugh.
I want to see you in movies and as a comedy writer. Keep that in mind as you rant and rave. I think one day everyone will want to dig up everything you've done (because they are in awe of your talent, not because they want to put you in jail or anything...although it's a possibility).
Isis / roygbiveightclubs
i agrea with the othere anonymous person i think your geate and you never when your down you never bring every body ells down and you try to stay focest on your work, your pupils and staying in a good mood. You have to be the most cheerful person i have ever met and your just a grate person to be arownd.Your well cool thats why i always talk to you when i can. Its ok i will poke you in the face and im gessing that its not safe... you should know who it is now
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