A Message to Moyles

Dear Porcine Ego-Juggernaut,

Would you be so kind as to take a sabbatical? Or better yet, give up on radio broadcasting altogether? And television broadcasting? Oh and also, don't write any more books. Or better still, smear your ample physique in bacon fat, roll around in gunpower and catapult yourself directly into the sun!

Quite simply I've had enough.

Enough of your self-indulgent monologuing about such banal topics as the quality of the sausages in your breakfast or the brisk walk you went for today.
Enough of your pathetic attempts to sound young and cool, particularly since your frame of reference appears to be Alicia Silverstone in Clueless. Chris, you're thirty six years old! Stop calling people "Dude" and telling them to "Like, get over it!". Thirtysomethings become incrementally cooler the less they attempt to assure everyone that they are 'down with da kidz'.

I'm getting just as sick of your sycophantic lackeys as well. 'Comedy' Dave was once vaguely entertaining, now it seems he only lives to kiss your arse. Dominic Byrne seems doomed for all eternity to be the brunt of your bald jokes because he hasn't the guts to call you a self-indulgent fat talentless cunt! And Aled Haydn Jones is obviously too busy conforming to every existing negative gay stereotype to possibly put you in your place.

Seriously how the fuck did Aled Haydn Jones succeed in getting any job, let alone one as high pressured as producing for BBC radio. The man could fuck up a glass of water! Has his ditsy charm really carried him all the way into his position?

I guess if making a living making up erroneous facts about provincial towns and knowing fuck all about football were easy everyone would be doing it!

Of course there's the very real possibility that I'm getting old.

Maybe my increasing fuddy-duddiness is inhibiting my ability to consume the 'yoof'-centric offal that now clogs up our prime time broadcasting. But if listening to a vanity bomb spouting off about himself, interspersed with obnoxious sounding, overproduced fluff from bands called things like MONKEYSTRINGAH and BUMFINGAZZZZ is cool then I'd rather be sad and old thanx.

LOLz